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Serenity

God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; And wisdom to know the difference.

 

I was never a very religious person. I did not grow up going to church or following any organized religion, but I have always had some form of faith. I've always felt that there was something more than us, something we simply cannot fully understand in this life though we may try. Over the past couple years I have, more than ever, felt a sense of faith in me. I guess one could say that I've been on a spiritual journey and that recently things have become more and more intense.

 
God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change;

There are many things that have happened this past year alone that have been far beyond my control. Even while knowing that, I have felt frustratingly helpless. Worrying over things outside of my control is something I've struggled with for most my life (and I'm sure most other people feel the same).


I had never heard the Serenity Prayer until very recently. When I first heard it, I felt very much like my insides had been shattered, but I couldn't quite understand why this affected me so much. It was stuck with me for days, repeating in my mind over and over again. I felt as if it was a catchy tune now forever an earworm after hearing it once.


About the same time as I heard this prayer, it also came to my be attention that there are people known to me not just speaking ill of me but spreading serious falsehoods about who I am and what I do. I was frustrated and disheartened that not only are there people putting lies about me out into the atmosphere, but that there are many who will simply believe them without question. I was left wordless but wishing I had something I could say that could disprove it, but also knowing that no matter how many times I speak my truth, people will believe what they want. And when it comes down to it, the truth is never quite as salacious as the lies.


While I thought it all over, the Serenity Prayer kept running through my mind and I began to think back on my younger days (yes, I know I'm not that old though). My mother use to always tell me I couldn't worry about things that were out of my control. After all, being upset about the things I couldn't control only made me feel bad, they didn't change the situation no matter how bad I felt. It was so hard to come to terms with as a kid. I've gotten better as I've grown older, but it's still not easy. I realized that in a way, my mother had been trying to teach me to accept the things I cannot change and focus on what I could my entire life. She taught me to focus on the "I cans" not the "I can'ts".


 
Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

I have been able to come to terms with living in the moment and enjoying each day as best I can over the past couple of years. Accepting that I can only live in today has been liberating, but not always easy. Events of this past year have really hit this closer to home for me. More than ever before, I've had to come to terms with how in just a day, life can be turned upside down so I need to enjoy each moment in it's moment.


So, when I heard the Serenity Prayer, it hit me incredibly hard. It took me a bit to be able to work through it and understand why it felt like my heart and soul broke when I heard it. It's a sum of some of my hardest life lessons and morals put into one beautiful prayer. In my recent difficult times, this prayer found its way to me to break through to me and help me find a new level of peace.


Courage to change the things I can; And wisdom to know the difference.

I cannot change what other people want to think about me or say about me. I cannot change some of the wild events that are happening in my life. I can only speak and act my truth and I can only accept the days as they come. Though some times it is hard, I understand that serenity does not always come right away, but sometimes comes from reminding myself of the lessons I have learned.

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